I’ve been at Seattle Coffee Works for a little over a week now. I’ve learned tons and also doubted my intelligence about a million times. Multi-tasking is hard work! My brain is a tool that I need to utilize better to be the best at my job, I think. Currently, I feel like I’m floundering around and unsure of what I’m doing. But in all honesty, I’m doing alright. I’ve been a great student in the past, but I wasn’t ever a great learner. I am fantastic at temporarily knowing how to do something and then letting it drift into the nothingness that I will refer to as my mind bog. I went to school for what seems like forever but all I ever learned was how to cram as much into my brain as I possibly could and then I would soon forget it once I neuro-vomited onto a sheet of paper. I was an academic student from 1993-2013 but I’m slowly realizing that there’s so much more to everything than the things I easily grasped but rarely truly understood in those 20 years.
Enthusiasm is great, but the actual desire to learn and make the world (and yourself) better and/or more understood is what’s important. Memorizing what drinks we offer are called and remembering the notes about specific bean flavor profiles I read on a card is fine for an amateur, but that’s not what I’m aspiring to be. I guess I’ve misconstrued my past passions for things-to-maybe-get-good-at-for-no-personally-good-reasons-and-then-eventually-abandon. Being able to say “12 oz Americano” to a barista and actually knowing what the fuck that means doesn’t seem like that much of a leap, but you’d be surprised what that little gap in knowledge can accrue to when it is in every aspect of everything you think you know.
Whether it’s music, television shows, foods, beverages, hobbies, passions, moral standings, or anything else… I feel like I have never made a decision that was 100% my own. Maybe this comes from a decrepit excuse for self-esteem. Now that I’m 25 it’s really biting me in the ass. I was thinking of what I wanted to be for Halloween this year. Do I even like Halloween? What am I into? My mind is completely blank. It’s like I’ve been spoon fed everything and now that I’m trying to be my own person I don’t know how. I don’t want to just steal other people’s styles or musical tastes or moral compasses, but sometimes they’re really cool! So the journey of self-discovery is life-long and I’m starting at square one but that’s ok.
That’s all for now. 🙂